Here's one of the two of us
  In 1954 don't laugh
  I keep all of the pictures
  Are you going to take a photograph
  Here's something nice for you
  A dear old thing came to a show
  Last time here we did
  An interview on local radio
  
  Make yourself at home my darling
  Come on in
  Hand me down that jar love
  Can I offer you a gin
  
  We're proud to be the oldest
  Ugly sisters in variety
  There's not the glamour now you see
  What hapened to society
  There's another light bulb gone
  They don't all answer to the switch
  I don't know how we carry on
  And her she couldn't care the bitch
  
  But in a while the old boys
  In the band begin to play
  And in a while the houselights
  And the curtains slide away
  
  And something's going to happen
  To make your whole life better
  Your whole life better one day
  Something's going to happen
  To make your whole life better
  Your whole life better one day
  
  Now the landlady's all squared away
  It's just a temporary deal
  I'm afraid tonight it's take-away
  You see there is no evening meal
  Don't worry dear you shall go to the ball
  I think the fairy said
  These suitcases have seen it all
  From under someone else's bed
  
  You want to smile those tears away
  Now don't you cry
  You want to know what I say
  I say never say die
  
  'Cos something's going to happen
  To make your whole life better
  Your whole life better one day
  Something's going to happen
  To make your whole life better
  Your whole life better one day