May I have your attention please?
  May I have your attention please?
    Did you ever read Voltaire's "Candide"?
  He says live life at Benny Hill freak out speed
  Not a quote of what he wrote but a paraphrase
  Make it up as you go Keyser Soze
  Highlights yes but don't underline 'em
  Just live for N.O.W. like Gloria Steinem
  Life is like Marion Barry
  It's not all that it's cracked up to be
  Like Fred Sanford when the big one comes
  Find the meaning of life is there is none
  It's twenty-four hours when you call it a day
  Be Frank and say "I Did It My Way"
  Don't give a flying nun no don't give a Gidget
  Just have more fun than a well-oiled midget
  If life were picture perfect you could frame it
  But the world is a diaper so let someone else change it
    Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
  Might as well enjoy the ride, take the long way home
    May I have your attention please?
  May I have your attention please?
    All born equal unless you're Canadian
  Then halfway through decay like Uranium
  You define what's death-defying
  Get the most out of life or at the least die trying
  Are you Evil Knievel jumping a train?
  Or running with scissors like Frasier Crane?
  Have really good times doing really bad things
  'Cause the show ain't over 'til the fat lady sings
  Like Elton John with his candle in the wind
  It's hard to blow out a flame as big as him
  But we've all got to Wang Chung with the Grim Reaper
  Whether you're Einstein whether you're Beaker
  Death is certain so it's definitely worth flirtin'
  Don't expect a bright light no just curtains
  Life is like a penis most people don't know it
  But most people suck so they usually blow it
    Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
  Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home
    Life is an aimless drive that ya take alone
  Might as well enjoy the ride take the long way home
    That's enough!
  I said that's enough!