[ VERSE 1 ]
  The President woke and he called the Pope
  The Pope climbed to heaven on a golden rope
  P.S. the Lord raised Michaelangelo from the dead
  So he can make a fresh painting of my head
  Then I hung out with a king and a queen
  And the queen put me down with her polo team
  The way I scored points all around the clock
  I had her daughter, the princess ridin my jock
  I knocked the freak off like a crazy retard
  Then I took a little trip into a deck of cards
  The diamond jack joker and the ace of spades
  Was amazed at greater Cut Creator on the fade
  Then I played cards with the queen of clubs
  The queen of hearts with me cold fell in love
  As for the queen of diamonds, she don't like men
  Because you know that a diamond is a girl's best friend
  The double-trouble spade was named the deuce
  And the joker acted stupid, so we gave him the news
  There was 52 cards, and I met everyone
  That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
    [ VERSE 2 ]
  Then I took a trip to the center of the earth
  I was kinda scared, so E-Love went first
  I met these funny little people, they called em skeezers
  So I held on to my wallet like Ebeneezer
  Tight leather pants that'll make you grunt
  Two nice soft things right up front
  The center of the earth ain't got no crime
  Just people bodyrockin to the L.L. rhyme
  If you're kinda confused to what a skeezer is
  It's just a girl who's on my jock cause I'm in showbiz
  There was a whole lotta skeezers, I dogged everyone
  That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
    [ VERSE 3 ]
  Woke up late one afternoon
  Realized I was in the world of cartoons
  He-Man told me he'd beat me up
  Because he thought that I looked like Donald Duck
  Then I hung out with Spiderman
  He told me he was gonna start a comic strip band
  The Incredible Hulk was gonna play the drums
  Charlie Brown grabbed the guitar and started to strum
  Snoopy tried to rock on the microphone
  But Tom & Jerry both said he should leave it alone
  Then I hung out with Mickey Mouse
  He had two freaks, so we went to his house
  Mickey's freak was ugly, but mine was def
  So I knocked it off until there wasn't none left
  They were cartoon characters, I met everyone
  That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
    [ VERSE 4 ]
  Since I'm a good friend of father time
  I'm not gettin older as I say this rhyme
  I was warmin the stove at the Alamo
  Before Booth shot Lincoln I stole the show
  I was down with George at the Delaware
  But I wore a Kangol, not the fake white hair
  Me and E-Love met Sitting Bull
  We made a peace pipe, then we took a pull
  Then he brought more leaves from a golden chest
  You thought it was tabacco - the shit was cess
  There was a lotta great men, and I met everyone
  That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
    [ VERSE 5 ]
  11:33, I swear it's no sooner
  I went inside my TV, I met _The Honeymooners_
  Ralph wanted me to bust a couple of rhymes
  But I had my eyes on Alice's behind
  Norton came down right about that time
  Lookin in the frigde, so he could swine and dine
  Then I said to myself, I should give em a taste
  So I pulled the microphone out my black briefcase
  Said, it ain't Bob Hope or Barry Manilow
  Then I borrowed Norton's hat, cause I forgot my Kangol
  Ralph said, "I got a scheme, let me get to it"
  "Norton, my pal," I said, "Yo, don't even do it"
  They were all Honeymooners, and I met everyone
  That story is over, but my rhyme ain't done
    [ VERSE 6 ]
  Cause my tongue cuts sharp, I hit a note like a harp
  Or a harmonica, Veronica, I do my part
  In a bedroom with leg room I'm strong like a monsoon
  Chilled in Maui-Waui and I carry a harpoon
  Stopped at the isle that's Mali, cause we got ill
  Wrote my name on a rock at the top of the hill
  I searched for other ways, made love in caves
  And I kicked the ill beats that make the natives raise
  Now I'm gonna tell you what all this means
  From Farmers Boulevard in St. Albans, Queens
  There's a lyrical technician who came to play
  Number one b-boy L.L. COOL J
  All of this is just a story that I made up
  Def lines I say on time with Cut Creator's cuts
  Some of it's fiction, and some of it's fact
  Not another common rap with a heavy drum track
  A whole lotta rhymes, and I wrote everyone
  That story is over, and my rhyme IS DONE
  HUH!