Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park
  Shaves in the dark trying to save paper
  Sleeps in a hole in the road
  Saving up to buy some clothes
  Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose
  Such a mean old man
  Such a mean old man
    His sister Pam works in a shop
  She never stops, she's a go-getter
  Takes him out to look at the queen
  Only place that he's ever been
  Always shouts out something obscene
  Such a dirty old man
  Dirty old man