If I go to Heaven it'll probably be a slum
  And all the pretty angels just might be packing guns
  And if I see St. Peter will he hit me up for cash
  Will I find the road to Jesus or just lose him in the trash
    The Shaggs were right
  You're never going to please anybody
  Not in this world
    If I go to Hell I might find it very dull
  Like an Amway convention or an endless shopping mall
  When all the innocent demons want to poke me with a fork
  Or just put me in a taxi and send me to New York
    Scientists proved it years ago
  The Shaggs were much better than the Beatles
    Maybe I'll return as an iguana
  And lie upon a beach down in the Bahamas
    Although ignored in their day
  The Shaggs are now recognised as the geniuses they were
    I just wanna know what happens when you die
  Do you walk down in a hole or float up to the sky
  Is it just a waste of water, when your widow cries?
    Oh don't tell me you've never heard of the Shaggs?
    If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry
  For there is no great being whose favour I must curry
  And I'll be going nowhere once they lay me in the earth
  So why waste a Sunday by going to church?
    If you really wanted to
  You could run out right now and buy a Shaggs record
    If the atheists are wrong then I've got a bill that's due
  So should I be a Christian or a Moslem or a Jew
  Should I spend all day just praying on my knees
  And searching through the world for a deity to please
    A Shaggs record would be a sound investment
    If the atheists are right then I have no need to worry
  For there is no great being whose favour I must curry
    The fat peoples want what the skinny peoples got
  The skinny peoples want what the fat peoples got
  But all I've ever wanted is what the Shaggs got
  Dat Ding(?) and my pal, Foot Foot