well i thought about the army
  dad said, son you're fucking high
  and i thought, yeah there's a first for everything
  so i took my old man's advice
  three sad semesters
  it was only fifteen grand spent in bed
  i thought about the army
  i dropped out and joined a band instead
    grew a moustache and a mullet
  got a job at chic-fil-a
  citing artistic differences
  the band broke up in may
  and in june reformed without me
  and they'd got a different name
  i nuked another grandma's apple pie
  and hung my head in shame
    i've been thinking a lot today
  i've been thinking a lot today
    oh, i think i'll write a screenplay
  oh, i think i'll take it to LA
  oh, i think i'll get it done yesterday
    in this time of introspection
  on the eve of my election
  i say to my reflection
  god, please spare me more rejection
  'cause my peers, they criticize me
  and my ex-wives all despise me
  try to put it all behind me
  but my redneck past is nipping at my heels
    i've been thinking a lot today
  i've been thinking a lot today
  i've been thinking a lot today
  i thought about the army...