The canopy over the main doorway of the Ritz hotel
   Had served as a very large umbrella when the May rains fell
   Still the men of Paris glistened and their ladies did as well
   As long as their powder was dry there'd be some heterosexual thrills
   With or without the protection of the Paris Ritz hotel
  
   And every single Parisian will love tonight without using hands
  
   And these are the slides that Mary took when we were overseas
   Oh, look at the funny little Frenchman with some French company
   There's the Ritz hotel where me and Mary stayed a couple of days
   Jerry, let go of your sister, what is wrong with you today
   Sit over there with your mother and let's sing La Marseillaise
  
   The only way children are punished, unlike old times is without using hands
  
   Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
   Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
   Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
   Oh, what a lovely city, city, city, city
   Oh, are you willing to go
   Oh, are you willing to go
   How about letting me know, without using hands
  
   When the explosion rocked the lobby of the Ritz hotel
   Nobody moved for fear of learning that they weren't all that well
   Is there is anybody missing, answer only if you're well
   Everyone cheered the good fortune, for indeed it turned out well
   Only the manager suffered, but at least his face looks swell
  
   The manager is going to live his entire life without using hands
  
   Without using hands, etc.